Self

I have had revelation, on mind altering substances.

Whilst my initial dividends from sobriety were plentiful, I still failed to achieve the productivity that I had envisaged would come flowing from that overdue change to my body and mind.

It is true, my motivation to strive and ‘own the day’ exploded, no longer being held back by toxicity and the monster in my mind, perpetually dragging me down with terrible self criticism. However, I still struggle with focus, tending to follow the shinny instead of the small handful of tasks that will yield the highest return for my time.

Personal family stress enabled complacency to seep into my new found sobriety. I yielded, and joined my wife in an evening beverage. What harm could it do, given I no longer considered alcohol to be a pleasure or a stress relief?

Not surpassingly, the next day I felt sub-standard, and the monster in my mind suggested a cure.

It has probably been a week now, and I’m drinking daily just to feel normal. This is insane.

Drinking perpetuated my perceived failures in life. I deserved to be a failure, because I clearly was not strong enough to control my drinking.

I was wrong. I had an addiction, from which I’ve managed to unlock and free myself. Alcohol is (only);

• an anaesthetic
• a disinfectant
• an accelerant, and
• a poison

For thirty two years I have abused alcohol. For thirty two years I had convinced myself that despite its foul taste, its clear toxicity and obvious depressant qualities, my alcohol use had some redeeming features.